So I've decided to take the next session (summer) off...what am I going to do with all my free time? Most people would be kinda unsettled about this, I've got a job and I'll be starting a new one here pretty soon so I've got that covered, what about the rest of the time?
Well I decided I FINALLY have the time to increase...wait for it...my marketability! I've been thinking of things I've been meaning to accomplish but 1) I've never had the time OR 2) I've been lazy/something(someone) has always stood in my way. I'm talking about doing things that will not only impress others but add to my awesome rep as well.
I've been trying to cover all my bases, I've loaded my car with any and everything I could possibly need for fun outdoorsy activities (the whole "be prepared" boy scout motto is a serious deal). I mean, what an awesome idea! how many times have you been someplace and you think "man, i wish i had a _______ so we could play ______." well start naming things because I've got it all covered! Second, I've decided to make myself look even greater, haha, not going to take long to hammer that one out. Third, I've decided I've got at least 3 good months to learn how to play the piano well. Think about guys who play musical instruments, girls are attracted to them like mice to cheese! Sure, the guitar is pretty cool...if you're a no talent tool. You can play other instruments (sax, bass, violin,...harp...if you feel so inclined) but most other instruments require the accompanied talent of other colleagues; BUT, stay with me here...people who play piano...are...the...coolest...most attractive...marketable people out there! WELL, I've got a keyboard that has kind of been collecting dust. I bought it earlier this year because I had some spare time and I felt like I needed to play something different (guitar has gotten boring for me lately). I can play a few songs but I have challenged myself with this task so i MUST follow through. Mark my words, at the end of three months I will be even more awesome than I am now! (eat your muscle-y heart out P90X) If you can think of anything more awesome for me to do I will gladly accept other challenges. The countdown starts...NOW!!!!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
My Hunger For Awesomness Was Once Again Fed
I just got home from an epic day. A new restaurant just opened today, Buffalo Wild Wings, and as a promotion they were giving the first 100 people free wings for a year! I had heard about this deal last Friday from a friend of mine (thanks for the heads up Landon) and i accepted this challenge. No matter the circumstances I WOULD get free wings!
I had seen people setting up tents in the grass around the restaurant and every once in a while i would drive by to see what kind of crowd was being drawn in. Honestly i wanted to wait until the morning the establishment opened in order to wait in line but i decided Sunday that after work i was going to set up camp and wait with the other die hards.
so like i said they were only giving the prize to the first 100 customers. apparently they were giving away poker chips with numbers on them so those who have been there would be sure to get the free wings. for the last 2 days i was joking about being number 101 and how much that would suck...well guess what happened...that's right, i was number 101/100. lucky for me they gave out a few more poker chips so i still had a chance at the prize.
The night sucked! it was cold, my nose was all runny, the wind was blowing...it got below freezing, but i knew i couldnt abandon the challenge. the people running the promotion would come and check up on the campers (you know to make sure they weren't leaving and coming back) so i had to stay all night.
Once morning came i waited in line again for 3 hours. finally the time came for them to give out the prizes. they had us line up according to number. number 1 was the first to get the booklet that lets up get wings all year and they went all the way to 100. well i walked up (100 people later) and i got the second to last book. another 100 or more people were lined up behind me (people who hadn't camped out and were just hoping to get in) and they only got coupons for a one time free wingage. I was SO psyched that i got one of the last "Free Wings for a Year" booklets! It just goes to prove that I am the luckiest, most awesome guy in Idaho Falls.
So now i can go anytime i want and get some free wings, which is awesome because i LOVE wings. hit me up if you want to tag along sometime. We all know hot wings fuel awesomness.
Challenge: Camp out and win a years worth of hot wings
Challenge: accepted
CHALLENGE: ACCOMPLISHED!
I had seen people setting up tents in the grass around the restaurant and every once in a while i would drive by to see what kind of crowd was being drawn in. Honestly i wanted to wait until the morning the establishment opened in order to wait in line but i decided Sunday that after work i was going to set up camp and wait with the other die hards.
so like i said they were only giving the prize to the first 100 customers. apparently they were giving away poker chips with numbers on them so those who have been there would be sure to get the free wings. for the last 2 days i was joking about being number 101 and how much that would suck...well guess what happened...that's right, i was number 101/100. lucky for me they gave out a few more poker chips so i still had a chance at the prize.
The night sucked! it was cold, my nose was all runny, the wind was blowing...it got below freezing, but i knew i couldnt abandon the challenge. the people running the promotion would come and check up on the campers (you know to make sure they weren't leaving and coming back) so i had to stay all night.
Once morning came i waited in line again for 3 hours. finally the time came for them to give out the prizes. they had us line up according to number. number 1 was the first to get the booklet that lets up get wings all year and they went all the way to 100. well i walked up (100 people later) and i got the second to last book. another 100 or more people were lined up behind me (people who hadn't camped out and were just hoping to get in) and they only got coupons for a one time free wingage. I was SO psyched that i got one of the last "Free Wings for a Year" booklets! It just goes to prove that I am the luckiest, most awesome guy in Idaho Falls.
So now i can go anytime i want and get some free wings, which is awesome because i LOVE wings. hit me up if you want to tag along sometime. We all know hot wings fuel awesomness.
Challenge: Camp out and win a years worth of hot wings
Challenge: accepted
CHALLENGE: ACCOMPLISHED!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
I've been thinking a lot about how I obtained such awesomness. Last night I connected with someone I thought I would never be able to call "friend."
I once dated this girl that, well lets be honest, was THE WORST person I could ever get involved with EVER. I was a shell of a person and to be honest I wasn't as good looking as I am now. Long hair past my shoulders (which is against one of my rules "NEVER trust a dude with hair past his shoulders"), a huge lumberjack beard and no fashion sense at all. I was much different than the legend I am now. Sure people knew me but they only knew the crappy hippie part of me.
After getting my heart broken into a million pieces (I know, i know, kinda sad and pathetic) I decided I needed to create a new person. I shaved my beard, cut off all my hair, changed my style and got my suit to fit me like some sort of sexy glove. Something happened, a metamorphosis, I became the legend I am today. My self-esteem skyrocketed, so did my awesomness! This was when I started to apply rules to my life. I found a new "Bible" called "The Bro-Code" 150 rules that if followed correctly will make you a living legend AND wait for it...wait for it... irresistible. Seriously I've had more confidence and luck in the last month than i have in years.
The only sad part is it works TOO well. I hate to admit it but I actually see futures with some people I meet. More about that later.
To sum it up. My life now is LEGEND...wait for it...DARY. LEGENDARY!
(NOTE: Ladies if you're reading this, first let me apologize; it was never my intention for this to change the way you look at guys. Second I urge you to look at this blog as a piece of fiction, a lot of this is made up. It is meant to entertain, mostly myself, as well as a broad audience through the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really IS like we're from different planets! Clearly, no real person would actually follow "The Bro-Code" let alone adhere to it's rules BTW those boots are adorable. Guys: Article #4 you know what I mean.)
I once dated this girl that, well lets be honest, was THE WORST person I could ever get involved with EVER. I was a shell of a person and to be honest I wasn't as good looking as I am now. Long hair past my shoulders (which is against one of my rules "NEVER trust a dude with hair past his shoulders"), a huge lumberjack beard and no fashion sense at all. I was much different than the legend I am now. Sure people knew me but they only knew the crappy hippie part of me.
After getting my heart broken into a million pieces (I know, i know, kinda sad and pathetic) I decided I needed to create a new person. I shaved my beard, cut off all my hair, changed my style and got my suit to fit me like some sort of sexy glove. Something happened, a metamorphosis, I became the legend I am today. My self-esteem skyrocketed, so did my awesomness! This was when I started to apply rules to my life. I found a new "Bible" called "The Bro-Code" 150 rules that if followed correctly will make you a living legend AND wait for it...wait for it... irresistible. Seriously I've had more confidence and luck in the last month than i have in years.
The only sad part is it works TOO well. I hate to admit it but I actually see futures with some people I meet. More about that later.
To sum it up. My life now is LEGEND...wait for it...DARY. LEGENDARY!
(NOTE: Ladies if you're reading this, first let me apologize; it was never my intention for this to change the way you look at guys. Second I urge you to look at this blog as a piece of fiction, a lot of this is made up. It is meant to entertain, mostly myself, as well as a broad audience through the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really IS like we're from different planets! Clearly, no real person would actually follow "The Bro-Code" let alone adhere to it's rules BTW those boots are adorable. Guys: Article #4 you know what I mean.)
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Things I MUST Do Before I Die
Some call it a "Bucket-List" I call it an "Awesome-List."
There's quite a bit of things I need to do before i die...heck there's a ton of things I need to do before I turn 30. The old saying "You can do anything you put your mind to" is completely true. I've always wanted to be that guy everyone thinks of and says "Man, I wish I did as many awesome things as that guy." When I'm an old man standing on the lawn grabbing the newspaper while reading the headlines I want to feel like I've accomplished more than those people on the front page.
I decided to make a list of things I WILL do at some point in my lifetime. Here it is:
There's quite a bit of things I need to do before i die...heck there's a ton of things I need to do before I turn 30. The old saying "You can do anything you put your mind to" is completely true. I've always wanted to be that guy everyone thinks of and says "Man, I wish I did as many awesome things as that guy." When I'm an old man standing on the lawn grabbing the newspaper while reading the headlines I want to feel like I've accomplished more than those people on the front page.
I decided to make a list of things I WILL do at some point in my lifetime. Here it is:
- See the Statue of Liberty
- Grow an epic ZZ Topesque beard
- Drive the Pope-mobile
- Strike out a Major League batter
- Lick/kiss the Liberty Bell
- Own an island
- Own and pilot a jet
- Slam a dunk
- High five a king (or any leader of a country)
- Sail across the ocean
- Ride a baby giraffe
- Own a full weeks worth of suits
- Run/bike across the country
- Pay for something expensive using only pennies
- Suction-cup to the top of the Empire State Building
- Have a wardrobe complete with every super hero costume
- Wear a king's crown
- Go on a date with Miss America
- Pulitzer/Nobel prize
- Stick my head in at least 20 dangerous animal mouths
- Hook a huge catch while deep sea fishing
- Make an igloo
- Be voted America's Sexiest Male
- Own land on the moon
The countdown begins!
A New Dawn
This blog is a beginning of "A New Dawn: The Rise of Mankind," or in this case "Matt-kind."
I've gone throughout my life spewing out awesomness in every direction yet I've never kept a record of it or how i got there. Then this morning i thought to myself "So many people wonder how I've achieved such legendary awesomness yet i haven't bothered to share it with enough of my admirers." this is a very tragic thing, so many dudes are out there having trouble and will never reach glorified awesomness...well guys and gals i'm here to take you under my wing.
If nothing else, i am a man of integrity. I choose to live a life governed by strict morals, morals that are often times difficult to remember. Many have been forgotten and replaced with new morals BUT you can always simplify life into one basic rule. What's mine you ask?
"Never date a girl with a hook for a hand"
This is true both in the reality and metaphorical sense.
Once you have discovered your own "one rule," you'll need to commit it to memory.
You may say, "well that's a simple rule, I'll just stay away from pirates and gypsies." Well let me drop some other rules I live by. Follow these rules and your awesomness factor will increase exponentially
RULES TO LIVE BY:
Never date a girl with a hook hand.
A furrowed brow makes for a more classy look.
Only ever raise one eyebrow at a time.
Never go out with a chick whose last name ends in a vowel.
Never pass up a free sample.
A guy who reads is irresistible to the ladies.
Never pet a chicken.
ALWAYS be psyched, always.
Being late is always okay.
If "Don't Stop Believing" comes on, stop whatever you're doing and sing along.
Never check a bag, you'll never get it back.
Never use spell check.
(This is a new one) Never trust a dude with hair past his shoulders.
(This too is new) Never trust a dude with hair ON his shoulders.
Never delete "Die Hard" from your DVR. if you don't have DVR have a DVD readily available.
Never wear a brown belt with black shoes.
Always wash your hands before returning to work.
Never repeat yourself.
Don't say things twice.
The longer the line, the better the food.
NEVER wear a clip-on.
Never use the bathroom on an airplane.
Black tie is NEVER optional.
If someone yells "Duck!" you had best duck.
Grow a beard, chicks dig a beard.
This is just a few rules to live by. Start off slowly because changing your whole life can be somewhat traumatic. Trust me, I've acquired and applied these rules over a long period of time but stick with it. In no time you'll reach God-like awesomness. We're all learning, it's a never ending process. Good Luck.
I've gone throughout my life spewing out awesomness in every direction yet I've never kept a record of it or how i got there. Then this morning i thought to myself "So many people wonder how I've achieved such legendary awesomness yet i haven't bothered to share it with enough of my admirers." this is a very tragic thing, so many dudes are out there having trouble and will never reach glorified awesomness...well guys and gals i'm here to take you under my wing.
If nothing else, i am a man of integrity. I choose to live a life governed by strict morals, morals that are often times difficult to remember. Many have been forgotten and replaced with new morals BUT you can always simplify life into one basic rule. What's mine you ask?
"Never date a girl with a hook for a hand"
This is true both in the reality and metaphorical sense.
Once you have discovered your own "one rule," you'll need to commit it to memory.
You may say, "well that's a simple rule, I'll just stay away from pirates and gypsies." Well let me drop some other rules I live by. Follow these rules and your awesomness factor will increase exponentially
RULES TO LIVE BY:
Never date a girl with a hook hand.
A furrowed brow makes for a more classy look.
Only ever raise one eyebrow at a time.
Never go out with a chick whose last name ends in a vowel.
Never pass up a free sample.
A guy who reads is irresistible to the ladies.
Never pet a chicken.
ALWAYS be psyched, always.
Being late is always okay.
If "Don't Stop Believing" comes on, stop whatever you're doing and sing along.
Never check a bag, you'll never get it back.
Never use spell check.
(This is a new one) Never trust a dude with hair past his shoulders.
(This too is new) Never trust a dude with hair ON his shoulders.
Never delete "Die Hard" from your DVR. if you don't have DVR have a DVD readily available.
Never wear a brown belt with black shoes.
Always wash your hands before returning to work.
Never repeat yourself.
Don't say things twice.
The longer the line, the better the food.
NEVER wear a clip-on.
Never use the bathroom on an airplane.
Black tie is NEVER optional.
If someone yells "Duck!" you had best duck.
Grow a beard, chicks dig a beard.
This is just a few rules to live by. Start off slowly because changing your whole life can be somewhat traumatic. Trust me, I've acquired and applied these rules over a long period of time but stick with it. In no time you'll reach God-like awesomness. We're all learning, it's a never ending process. Good Luck.
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